Family Meeting

Attendees: Me (Chair); Fish (idiot dog); Fergus (20 lb cat, dominant); Duff (20 lb cat, passive); Ciaran (kitten)

  • Me: We are here to discuss the mouse I saw in the house last night and what you are going to do about it.
  • Fish: Not my problem. (turns around and starts licking his balls)
  • Fergus: (stares defiantly)
  • Duff: (zones out)
  • Ciaran: (perks up) What’s a mouse?

  • Me: We’ve discussed this before gentlemen. I am willing to tolerate a lot but mice are completely unacceptable. I have enough headaches feeding all of you.
  • Fish: (balls apparently need a lot of cleaning)
  • Fergus: (unimpressed, lies down)
  • Duff: (gives great impression of stuffed toy)
  • Ciaran: No really! What’s a mouse?

  • Me: Seriously! There are almost 50 pounds of cat in this house. Are you trying to tell me that you can’t handle a 2 ounce mouse?
  • Fish: (really wants his privates clean)
  • Fergus: (looking dismissively at kitten) They are small, grey, and make great pets.
  • Duff: (looking at kitten) They are furry and really cute!
  • Ciaran: Oh them! They taste great!

  • Me: Now that’s the attitude I want around here!
  • Fish: (sits up and stares at kitten)
  • Fergus: (to kitten) Now see what you’ve done?
  • Duff: (to kitten) How could you? His name was Charlie!
  • Ciaran: The fur gets stuck in your teeth though.

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